These Words shared by A Father That Rescued Us during my time as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for a year."

One-time reality TV cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of being a father.

However the truth quickly turned out to be "completely different" to his expectations.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. Suddenly he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver as well as caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on all the nights, each diaper… every stroll. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following 11 months he burnt out. It was a talk with his father, on a park bench, that helped him see he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You're not in a good place. You must get support. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, ask for help and start recovering.

His experience is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. While people is now more comfortable discussing the stress on moms and about post-natal depression, less is said about the struggles fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan believes his difficulties are part of a wider failure to open up between men, who continue to absorb damaging perceptions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the fortress that just gets hit and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It is not a display of failure to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to admit they're struggling.

They can think they are "not the right person to be seeking help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the chance to ask for a respite - taking a couple of days overseas, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions as well as the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That epiphany has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotion and interpret his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says bottling up feelings caused him to make "poor decisions" when in his youth to modify how he felt, turning in alcohol and substances as a way out from the hurt.

"You find your way to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They can short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel swamped, tell a friend, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that allowed you to feel like you before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the physical stuff - nutritious food, getting some exercise and where possible, resting, all are important in how your mind is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help isn't failing - taking care of your own well-being is the best way you can care for your loved ones.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead give the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they do "releasing the emotion" together - expressing the feelings constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their struggles, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and dealing with things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a note to Leo recently," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I'm learning an equal amount as you are in this journey."